Meds

Oh my god! Sometimes it’s just too much to take. I can’t stop thinking about it, my tongue gets numb, my heart starts pumping, my knees get all jiggly and my fingers start to shake like tiny little leaves caught in a hurricane. Oh man, it just makes my body ache. I feel like an insane asylum filled with laughing little girls. What is wrong with me? Maybe I should have taken that extra pill. Fuck, but that’s not me! It’s not me! This crazy thing, this shaky thing, this fucking out of control thing, this is me. So…what is so wrong with that?
I guess it’s the way people look at me. Or the way I think people are looking at me. I don’t really know if I have any idea how people are actually looking at me though, I might be thinking they’re thinking “What’s that shit in her teeth?” when they’re really thinking “She’s a sexy beast.” So I don’t know if I should really be worried about it, you know?
I mean, maybe I should be though. Maybe I really should be. Like that time when they dragged me out of that hospital room by my elbows and threw me out onto the sidewalk, and called the cops and all that, they probably weren’t thinking “Oh man, she’s sexy.” You know? I mean, maybe they were. Sadistic motherfuckers.
But I mean, that’s the problem right? I can’t make up my mind. It’s so hard to make a goddamn decision that I start totally fucking myself in the head with every little bizarre twist and turn I think up. Like who is really going to ass rape me if I fall asleep with my door unlocked, you know? I mean, that’s why you put me on meds right? Cause I think weird shit like this?
Hello? Are you there? Hello?