Cindy's Drunk at Seven Again

“Drunk at eight in the morning? No, drunk at seven.” I look at the woman at the front desk with a wry smile, pointing at an invisible watch on my wrist. “And how are you today, Madame?”
“I’m fine Ms. Marcus. And may I remind you again, smoking is not allowed in the lounge area.” She looks at me with a gaze of pity and disgust and disinterest, all blended up in a nice delicious serving that I somehow always enjoy.
“Why of course, Madame.” I put out the cigarette that I had just lit onto the People magazine sitting on the coffee table in front of me, directly placing the embers on a lovely candid of some aged blonde actress’s stretched-out face.
I look up at the desk clerk and smile, a big toothy smile that I’m sure inspires much desire to give her dentist a ring. She picks up her phone, quietly talking into the receiver.
She looks at me and blandly says, “Dr. Hellreich will see you now.”
I stand up and walk towards the door next to the front desk, stopping briefly to wink at the desk clerk before opening the door and stepping inside.
“How’s it going baby cakes?” I say as I sit down on the comfy, coma-inspiring leather chair directly across from Dr. Hellreich. As I lay back I let out a long, blissful sigh.
“You smell like liquor, Cindy.” She wryly states as she stares at me from over her glasses.
“It’s a new perfume called ‘Fuck Life’. I bought it for five bucks at Macy’s. It was a bit expensive, but worth it. I think, at least.”
She scribbles something on the professional pad on her lap. “Why haven’t you been attending your AA meetings, Cindy?”
“Me and the guy in charge have an understanding, Dr. Hellreich. I don’t think my services are needed there anymore.” I nod my head, squinting my eyes in an attempt at seriousness.
“You mean Mike? Mike has said nothing of this to me. He says you stopped showing up about a month ago.”
“No, I mean Jesus Christ. Have you been attending church lately, Dr. Hellreich?” I quizzically gaze at her, slightly shifting my head to the side.
“This is not a laughing matter, Cindy. You need to attend those AA meetings, its part of the court agreement.”
“Jesus is never a laughing matter, doctor.” I slowly shake my head in disappointment, mildly glaring at her.
I begin to slide down the chair, stretching my legs out in front of me. “You know, I’ve been thinking. If I go back to court and plead born-again Christian, they’ll probably let me off. I can tell them how I saw Jesus’ eyes and realized I had to change my wicked ways. The jury will totally love me. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m very lovable.” I cross my hands behind my head, gazing at Dr. Hellreich’s wrinkly face. She has dark black eyebrows that must have taken hours to draw on so rigidly perfect, and an odd orange-tinted lipstick that adds an extra zing to her already frightening demeanor.
“Are you Christian then, Cindy?” Dr. Hellreich asks.
“Ooh, is this when we get all deep and metaphysical? I am in fact not Christian. I guess that does mildly put the kibosh on that whole born-again thing. You see I follow a fairly new religion. On the scale of ridiculous religions, it’s somewhere between Catholicism and Scientology. It’s called ‘Palimpious’. Basically, the teachings are very similar to a game of Scrabble. And Chess. But mostly Scrabble. I think it’s probably because I discovered it while playing a game of Scrabble. Or should I say, it discovered me?”
“If you’re going to resist therapy, Cindy, there is nothing I can do for you.”
“I wouldn’t exactly use the words ‘resisting,’ but yeah, I could possibly see where you’re coming from. But, Dr. Hellreich, tell me something. How do you feel the skillful use of words characteristic of our great savior, Palimpi, has affected your life?”
I can’t quite tell whether Dr. Hellreich is actually considering my question or desperately holding onto her stoic poise in order to not physically attack me. I would ponder it, but I can’t quite tell whether I care. So I sit up in my chair, glancing over at the clock on the desk. “Well, it looks like my fifteen minutes of fame are up, doctor.” I stand up, stretching my back a little bit before heading towards the door.
“This session is not over, Cindy. You need to be here for fifty-five more minutes, its part of the court order.” She says, quickly getting out of her chair.
“That’s a shame. It’s just…I have to hold to my beliefs you know? Stay strong!” I raise my fist as I open the door and step out into the waiting room. Before I shut the door I turn to look at Dr. Hellreich, giving her a quick smile and nod.
As I walk past, the desk clerk stares at me in obvious confusion.
“Peace, homes.” I say as I walk out the door.