Saturday, September 20, 2008

What I Cannot/Must Read or Write at Night

Silence…She listened. Darkness slowly dissolving her inner courage...Diana held the wooden handle at a nervous ready. She listened intently. Her sweaty palms barely keeping the pathetic blade in her grasp. She could hear him…hear the slow and heavy thumps getting closer…hear the increasing silence, hear her accelerating heartbeat…closer…hear her still breadth, hear her stopping heart…closer…hear a stopping thump…and then…the phone rang.

“Hello?” Sarah felt her nerves resettle. She had forgotten how uneasy she used to feel about these sort of movies. “Hello?”….Silence…Sarah hung up the phone and went back to sit on the floor in front of the television. Before her marriage, Sarah hated scary movies. Her heart would spaz just thinking about them. However, Nick’s presence made scary movies seem silly. They’d sit on the floor in front of the T.V. and he’d make stupid jokes about everything that would frighten her. Nick made her feel safe.

But tonight, Nick wasn’t there. Nick was in Japan, trying to strike a contract. His company was trying to expand, gain a global face, network. It would the first time they’d be apart since they moved in together last month, but he had to go. So she let him.

Tonight, out of habit, she had watched a scary movie. She knew something felt a little strange; however, it wasn’t until the phone call that she realized her jester was missing.

It was already over by the time she sat down. She pointed the remote at the television. White words flowing up the dark screen. On second thought, maybe she should leave the television on. The noise in the background would keep her mind from wandering…

She got up and was about to change the station to something comedic to soothe her subconscious nervousness, when…zap. The lights went out. Her muscles tensed…Of all the times in the world…

Sarah could barely make out the silhouette of the television in the crescent moonlight. Slowly, a human-like figure began to emerge from behind it. She closed her eyes. Surely, she’d be safer from her imagination behind her eyelids. Slowly, she turned towards the couch a few feet behind her. Her heartbeat beginning to gain in volume. If she made it to the couch and hid under the blanket she’d be fine. Ever since she was little, somehow a blanket seemed impenetrable to all the spooks and monsters that would roam her room.

Sarah slowly moved forward, stretching out her arms into the darkness. She could hear her feet brushing against the carpet fibers. Her senses hoping that the carpet fibers would be all that she could hear.

Her pulse quickened…The darkness was staring at her…Sarah quickened her silent steps toward her feeble sanctuary. Waving her arms up and down in anticipation. Panic mounting. The couch wasn’t where it should have been.

Sarah knew she had to find her bearings. But that meant she had to open her eyes…Her heart jolted. A blood-drenched, crazed-hair lunatic ran towards her out of the darkness. Fuck. She blinked. Her brain was beginning to become sadistic to her nerves. She had seen the couch. It was right in front of her.

She frantically felt around…Nothing but cushion…Shit…Did she forget to put it back? Fear was creeping in quickly. She just wanted to find the stupid blanket and force herself to sleep. She chanced it….Blink….Stupid blanket, sitting on the armrest.

Hands shaking. Sarah awkwardly lay down. The couch creaked. A spurt of blood shot through her nervous system. She shoved the blanket over her head. Now she just had to calm herself so that sleep would overcome adrenaline…

Fuck….she heard a creak…Shit. Shit. Shit…She listened. Only the blanket separating her from terror…Were those footsteps she heard….Sarah forcefully slowed her breath… her pulse beating in her ears…creak….It was louder this time…Sarah froze every muscle she could control…sweat began to slide from her stomach to her back...Just the wind, just the wind, it had to be…pushing around a door, playing with her imagination…She waited….See, no more creeks…Her muscles began to unsteadily relax…Fuck….She had to pee.

Sarah peeked out for a glance at the clock. Six hours. She tried to hold it. The couch beginning to soak up her perspiration. Another glance at the clock…Shit…ten minutes…she tried to sleep….glance….fifteen minutes…..her bladder slowly hardening from the pressure….glance….seventeen minutes….Shit, she was prolonging the inevitable. It was either get up and walk down the desolate hallway or sleep on a damp couch.

Gathering courage from the irritation caused by the war with her bladder, she poked her arm out from under the blanket and felt under the couch. Her hand hit something hard, metallic, and cold. A Maglite. Nick didn’t think that they needed so many in so many places, but he knew that it comforted her. She pulled out the hefty flashlight and let it warm under the blanket against her chest. Light was another tool against the terrifying images her mind liked to burn into her memory. Like a blanket, nothing could penetrate its barrier.

She wiped her sweaty hands on her clothes. The metal handle still felt slippery in her aching grasp. She decided to do it quickly. Determination and purpose deterred specters and psychos. She flicked on the light, threw off the blanket, and stood up….Thank God, the flashlight worked…for a moment she began to fear what would have happened if it hadn’t…No, stay focused. She had to pee.

She began to shine the light around the living room quickly and continuously. Good, nothing there. Her nerves felt a little less strained.

Sarah shone the beam at the doorway leading to the hallway. She could see the kitchen just beyond. Her heart faltered. Something moved…unconsciously, she felt herself let beam slowly pan doorway back and forth…A glint of eerie light….Thank you, Lord. It’s just a pot.

She stepped into the hallway...Fuck…her legs jerked her backward into the living room…She’d forgotten. Her house had been designed by a fricken moron. The bathroom was at the end of the hall…right next to the stairs leading to the basement…

She’d never been down there. She’d tried, but the terror grew so intense that she felt the sickening taste of puke in the back of her mouth. It was settled. Nick had to do all the laundry. It was kind of pathetic how she could be afraid of her own house. But she was sure that it had a sinister air…

Frick…she had to pee…but she couldn’t go back into that hallway. Telepathic images of an impeding darkness loomed before her. She could feel it emanating forth. Creeping down the hallway. Searching for her…

Her bladder hurt….Frick…She ran into the hallway. Illuminating the stairway with a hard resolve. There…as long as she kept the light on it, she could keep its forces trapped within itself. Steadily, she began to walk down the hallway. Erect. With a new strength….

Fuck…she felt a slight breeze on the back of her neck…she’d been so preoccupied with the basement before her. She’d forgotten about what was behind her….

Sarah immediately flashed the beam of photons behind her. A quick glance. Then back to the stairs in front of her…She continued pitifully switching the direction the flashlight. He body getting tenser with each switch. The shadows behind only growing darker as her eyes became dependent on the light in front. She could only spend a fraction of a second contemplating in each direction before the opposite one began to encase her with fear…

Shit…it was bad enough that she had to stare at the basement stairs…The doorway connecting the entryway to the hall was just a few feet ahead of her…she hated it…the immense expanse between the front door and the hallway….the haunting emptiness…She felt naked. Exposed in the darkened passageway….She held her breadth. Ran past. Light-footed to avoid any noise. Her heart pounding with each step…Fuck…she was running closer to the fiends that lurked in the basement…Shit…She could see down the stairs now. The stairs that led to unknown horrors….

Stillness. Quiet. Her adrenaline was rapidly leaving her nerves to fend for themselves. She looked up. The lonely bathroom was there, to her right, and the non-comforting dark bedroom to her left.

She’d finally gotten to the bathroom. She could finally relieve her bursting bladder of suffering…

No….she knew she couldn’t….couldn’t sit in the dark and pee without the photon beam, the mirror, the darkness, and her mind conspiring to form a spirit of some kind… She had to go to the basement. She had to go and reset the circuit breaker…Fuck….She had to pee….

She peered down into the darkness that no light could penetrate. Sarah wiped her hands quickly on her clothes…She gently put her foot on the first step. Her free hand was used for balance…The walls were cold...Sarah prayed to every higher entity she knew of…she prayed for protection…she prayed for courage….she prayed the chance to see Nick again….Sarah slowly descended. Descended towards a pool of terror at the end of a cold stream…

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