The Right Place at the Right Time

“Mario,” the young man glared at himself in the bedroom mirror he just woke up to. “You are gonna get some you sexy beast.” After years of watching endless amounts of movies about the life of the average college student, you know where an ambiance of beer and girls is abundant and around every corner, he was sure he was ready to begin his journey of freedom and discovery.
“Mario, you need to pick up stuff for da kine?” “Nah that’s alright, I can do it myself Mom,” Mario replied, “I just need some cash so I can go pick up the essentials.” “Ok dear.” She placed the hundred dollars on the kitchen cabinet with all her love in each paper bill. She was dreading the day that her son would leave the sanctuary of her home made cooking and tender care. Eyes teary she knew it was for the best, and that her son would grow to become a smart and intelligent man fending of the dogs of the business world. “Thanks Mom.” Mario said as he took the money and headed for the door. “Make sure to buy some toilet paper, you know how roommates are!” Mario sighed, “Yes mom I love you too.” With those last words he kissed his mother goodbye and finally headed out the door.
“Essentials, essentials,” Mario thought to himself staring at the variety of items in the convenient store. What will he need for college? Twenty-four-year-old, hormone raged Mario. Excited for college after spending four years doing absolutely nothing in his parent’s garage. Well, he did have a mindset of becoming a hero in the Marines after watching Rambo, 300, and other action packed movies while sitting on his ass. “Dad I need time to get fit and super strong so I can become a Marine!” Mario thought back to an encounter with his Dad on a hot summer day sitting in the house. “Well that’s no excuse to be a lazy bum all summer long, at least get a job dammit!” Well he was running everyday around the block and doing a couple pushups here and there in the garage, but after a while his mindset went from Huuuuwah! to screw it.
None of that mattered now. He was in college. During all of that thinking and recollecting of the past, Mario noticed that he had already filled his basket up with items which he must have subconsciously picked up while walking around the store. Mario shrugged to himself, “eh, whatever,” and poured the items on top of the counter in front of the clerk. The clerk was a heavy set woman about six feet tall and had a tattoo of a black cobra on her left forearm. She started scanning the items which Mario had presented to her over the laser reader. She slowly moved the items; fifty boxes of lubricated condoms, a large bag of Lays potato chips, a bottle of Tums, Zantac 75, a roll of toilet paper, a white Colgate toothbrush, a couple of cigars and a twenty four pack of Bud Light. Yes that seemed like the necessary essentials for a college student. “What the…” The clerk looked at Mario who was blankly looking off into space with a grin. “Identification please sir,” the clerk said to Mario with a raised eye. Mario presented his picture I.D. then grabbed the items and headed back out side to his car.
There was intense traffic on the way to the university. Mario noticed that a car had pulled over to the side of the loud noisy road. He recognized one of the passengers in the car as a fellow student he used to hang out with in high school, Chad. “Hey, what’s up buddy!” Mario yelled as he pulled his car in front of the stalled truck. “Mario! What’s up man!” Mario left the car idling as he started walking towards the truck. He and his friend talked for a while on the side of the road, talking about life and college and chicks. Chad was a sophomore in college already. “Hey Mario, you think you can give me and my girlfriend a ride to the university? Her car’s engine overheated and she blew out two tires.” Mario nodded at Chad. “Sure thing dude, but my car is a little crowded because I’m just moving in today.” Chad looked back at his girlfriend “That’s cool.” Chad’s girlfriend got out of the truck and slammed the door. “God this thing is a piece of crap!” she yelled as she started to walk towards the boys. “Mario this is my girlfriend Dori, Dori this is my good man Mario.” The two nodded with a smile at each other and shook hands. Dori had long brown hair, skin that glowed under the hot sun and very impressive legs. Mario could only hope that the campus was littered with more of these angels.
The trio walked to Mario’s car. Mario took his mini fridge out of the passenger’s seat so that Dori could sit in the front. The back was another problem though. It was impossible to fit anyone else in the car. The 24 pack of bud light stood in the way of the left back passenger seat. “God dammit,” Mario said as he struggled to make room in the back. “I know I shouldn’t have brought my surfboard today.” “You know,”Chad said with a big smile, “I can fit into this car is if we drink the beer.” Mario looked at Chad for a minute thoughtfully. “Well I haven’t drank anything all day and I’m pretty parched.” “We’re thirsty too!” “We’ve been stuck on this freeway for 2 hours already!” Dori said as she leaned up from the front seat. “That settles it then,” Mario said with a big smile, “let’s finish these drinks.”
The trio brought the 24 beers out and sat down on the concrete median. Each of them grabbed a beer and cracked it open. The drinks were fresh and ice cold. It was like eating a bunch of melted snow that just had just fallen from the heavens. “So Chad, you think you can introduce me to all your friends when we get to the dorms?” Chad cracked open another beer, “Sure man, you’re a cool guy and I know they’ll like you and you’ll like them.” Mario finished his drink, “sweet man, thanks.”
As time went by, the three noticed that people were slowing down to stare at them while they drank. They decided to quickly finish the beers by shot gunning them with car keys. They would hold the beer horizontally, stab a big hole in the side with a key, and then open the top of the beer while the cold air pushes the liquid into their mouths from the hole they created. “You guys are awesome, I’m not even in college yet and I’m meeting some pretty cool people already.” Mario said as he stood up trying to keep balance. “Dude you already knew me in high school!” Chad replied while leaning on the back of Mario’s car. The two looked at each other and started to laugh. “Hey, hey, guys look what I found!” Dori was walking back from her truck with a bottle of tequila in her right hand and an unlit cigarette in her left. The sound of cars zooming by started to sound like a beat to a good club song.
Shots of tequila were streaming down the throats of the marooned pirates of the median. Dori rose the shot glass above her head when she finished her seventh glass. “We should so come here more often.” At that moment a car zoomed by and clipped Mario’s car, taking off one of his side mirrors. “Holy shit!” exclaimed Chad, “Dude someone just hit...” Another loud crash was heard. A motorcyclist had hit the car that had clipped Mario’s car. The car sped off swerving left and right down the highway. Mario, Dori, and Chad ran to check out the motorcyclist. They stumbled and fell a couple of times before they got to the biker but they eventually they got to him. The biker turned out to be a cop who was chasing a driver suspected of being under the influence. “Holy shit! It’s a cop!” Mario felt his stomach drop to the floor. He couldn’t be in trouble now, not when college is about to start, hell he didn’t even drive to his dorm yet! “Water..,” gasped the cop. “I need water…please.” Chad looked at Mario with wide open glassy eyes, “Dude get him some water and something to stop the bleeding!”
Mario rushed to the car scrambling to find some sort of container with water inside. He tore the vehicle apart looking but could not come across anything. Just then Mario glanced up across the street. “A water fountain!” he doesn’t know why he said it out loud, maybe it was a sign from God, or maybe it could be that fact that he’s still shit faced. He ran to the fountain. Wait, how was he going to get the water to the cop? He couldn’t pour water into the beer cans because then they would now that they had been drinking. Just then a thought struck him. “Of course!” Mario rushed back to the car and broke open the box of condoms that he had bought from the store earlier that day. He filled them up like water balloons and tied the ends so that the water would not spill. He quickly ran back to group. Some of the balloons had slipped out of his hands since they were lubricated. “Dude, what the fuck?” Chad looked at Mario. This is all there was!” Dori grabbed Mario by the shirt. “Just give him the water Mario!” Mario popped the water filled condoms over the police man’s head. It took about seven or eight to cool down and quench the thirst of the overheated officer. Chad tied condoms around the Officers thigh and forearm to slow the bleeding till the ambulance arrived.
The flashing lights of the ambulance and other city vehicles blinded the drunken teens who sat on the hard curb. They watched the paramedics take the away the cop while they towed Dori’s truck. One of the paramedics in a blue suit came up to the teens. “Thank you for your help,” he said, “your fast thinking saved this Man’s life. Thank God you were in the right place at the right time.” The trio looked at each other with big smiles. Dori turned to Mario with a shimmer in her eye and then puked on the paramedics shiny shoes.