Dmbss

You wake up with the alarm shrilling in your right ear and think about how you really, really need to get a much more pleasantly sounding alarm. This thought doesn't last long as you've already rolled over to the other side of the bed, smashing a pillow over your head which was under it three seconds previous. You think five more minutes. Five more minutes. Five more minutes. Five more minutes.

Shit! Now you're late. Good going, Dumbass.

You hurriedly scramble through your laundry basket seeing if any of the shirts could possibly be detected by other students that it's been worn three or four (or five or six) times. Most smell. Most smell horrible, actually. But eventually one is found that's tolerable. After all, you've only worn it twice since its last wash, and the curry stain on it isn't that big.

The closest thing you've had to a shower the past few days was when you decided to take a short-cut to class through the open field just in time for the sprinklers to clean you. Your solution to body odor? Easy. The extra strong cologne your sister gave you last Christmas works wonders, especially when applied in massive doses-- at least you think so anyway.

You rinse your mouth out with mouthwash because brushing takes way too long and check to make sure that you've got at least a few packs of gum or mints on you, just in case. Right before you leave, you quickly make and shove a strawberry jammed toast in your mouth, pick up your bag and books by the door, and lean your nose downward nestled in between your crotch to make sure that the smell of your week old undies are alright. And then you're set!

Now run. Run as fast as you can across Dole street, through the parking lot, up the campus center stairs, and down the campus center stairs. Run, Dumbass, run! Run, run, run.

Only six minutes late! That's record time for you. You're proud. Too bad you didn't do your homework and totally forgot about the quiz that day. Looking down, you also see that there's a few smudges of strawberry jam from breakfast. It's right next to the curry. You try to cover it up by creasing over the most obvious areas of the stains and adjusting yourself in awkward positions. You shift to the right and left, then lean forward all the way so that your ribs are smashed against the desk. When that becomes uncomfortable, you lean back and hold the creases of disguise with your unused left hand. This is all the while trying not to move by breathing as shallowly as possible without passing out because then parts of the strawberry curry reappears-- breathing ruins everything. The girl next to you thinks you're weird, for sure. As she turns her head to look at who you are, she just as quickly looks down. She sees the stain. Damn. You think, maybe that's why Rina left me. And Keri, and Teresa, and Mari, and Ann. You're probably right.

The professor hands you the quiz sheet. Okay, so the Torrah is kind of like the instruction manual or bible, or something. Moses was that guy who got the commandments. A synagogue is a temple, churchy-esque praying place. But wait, what the hell is Ultra-Orthodox Judaism? What's a Yom Kippur again? You don't know the answers to any of the other thirteen questions either. Ultimate fail.

Your class finishes right after the quiz that you gave up on, and you decide to skip the second and third classes of the day. It's been rough for you anyhow. You walk up the campus center stairs, down the campus stairs, through the parking lot, and sludge across Dole street back into your little abode. The stink of piled, rotting clothes hits pretty hard once the front door's opened. Hell, you can barely sense your own bodily zest anymore. However, you can still smell your molding skivvies which has notably gotten much worse from earlier, and not even the antibacterial cologne can do anything about it.

As you rest your head back on your pillow and set your alarm to wake up two hours from now for homework that you probably won't do anyway, something in the back of your head says do the laundry, Dumbass, do it. Then, you pick at your nose, close your eyes, and drift off to sleep.